Mindfulness of Being

I have recently dropped listening to good music when I am in one of those weird moods. Where nothing is making you chipper then a good beat to rock out to. 

I need my alone time, just as much as I need my socializing time. I need some time to socialize with new people, as well as spending some quality time with the people who are already near and dear to me. I keep reminding myself that in the spending your "time" (something I have not been able to grasp lately) either a friend, family member, or a stranger, Its an important moment non the least. 

"The most important person is who you're with"

My dear friend -Chuck Manley

I will be leaving with no routine in mind, just me, my pack and I. When I do get on the road,  I want to stop the routine. So knowing me, it will hopefully feel fresh once again. Like living each moment as if I am breathing in the fresh, cool air after sitting in a stuffy car. Once I get out, everything will feel refreshing. No more obligations to be had. 

I have been reading The Power Of Now, by EckHart Tolle. The Power Of Now has become one of my new obligations. One of the things I am working on right now in my life is to really live in the moment. That means calming my mind, slowing my thoughts down and feeling my present moment of  my being. 

To being mindful, and to not be mindful at all, because I have to calm my mind. It's hard to explain, and I am no teacher, I am just trying to find out how this works by writing it down.

Living in the moment is harder then most things I have ever had to do. Its a harder mentally to just BE. To take what is coming at me, like a wave, and letting it pass without chasing it. I am learning a lot about how to focus, and not letting my mind take control over my own striving will.

I try to do this exercise many times throughout the day. I seem to break the cycle by thinking about the thought of me just living. I am alive right NOW. As I type this, I am living, not hurting, not dying, not suffering. Right now is a great moment. I am able to realize that I am LIVING. And what a great gift to be given.

Sure, I can find the little things to complain about, and I am not saying I don't, because I do. There are plenty of things in a day that I don't enjoy. The rain, the wind, the screeching sires and the ear piercing pedestrians at night. Those are negative thoughts that I have to get past  somehow. I am still working on that.....

5 Inspirations for Being in the Moment

I like to read an assortments of blogs. Poems, Photography, Travel, Family, anything that has inspirational creativity behind it. The whole aspect of using the internet is to share creativity, thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am a fan of anyone who does this. Anyone who is brave enough to put something out that is important to them, and they feel like it can make somebody happy- I am rooting them on. Putting my best work out there for criticism teaches me about who I am by what I can do more of for myself. I know when somebody gives me criticism, I feel a little bruised, but I somehow do learn from it and some point in time.

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Blogs I read for Inspirational Creativity

Oceans, by Sui (Pronounced like Sway) Sea Solitaire

A friend who is always making me feel in awe when I read her new poems. She is such a brilliant writer!

post-traumatic

Nobody asked me if I was traumatised
        after I was mugged by three men
        in my birth city at the age
        of 17.
For the record, I wasn’t.
They didn’t hurt me,
        much — anyway,
        and besides, they were
        strangers.
They didn’t take anything
        like my love, my dignity,
        my agency over my own
        body, my freedom
        my will to speak
        or live
        or eat
        or breathe.
They didn’t take anything
but my cell phone.

At 5:30 this morning I awoke
to screams.
A woman, screaming.
It’s always a woman, us women.
That night at 17, I screamed, too

        but not out loud
        on the nights
        I disappeared from my body
At 5:51 the police lights flashed
down the hill into my apartment.
        My walls, red and blue,
                red and blue.
The police once came
        to my house, too
        because I cried and screamed
        so loud.

That was my cry for help.
Nobody, not even myself
was allowed to answer it.

Niko Ritter- Magican On A Motorcycle

A Busker friend I had met in Seattle, who continues to ride his dreams into reality

(his story here)

"Since beginning this lifestyle experiment, I’ve grown comfortable with things going wrong because it’s part of the unexpected. Between busking and motorcycling, you can expect plenty of the unexpected. You get used to challenges, to the bike not starting, to people walking away during a show, to things going “wrong”. I find these mishaps are nourishing if you soak them in instead of trying to shelter yourself from them. Being cold and wet makes you appreciate being dry and warm even more. You never know when your personal storm might be interrupted by a sun break."

Steve Roggenbuck- Livemylief

I first found Steve on Youtube, and I couldn't stop watching his brilliant videos. After watching quite a few of his videos, I had discovered more of his poetry on his website. He is a reminder that no matter what you want to create, its up to you if your happy with it or not. Build yourself up to whatever you see yourself fit for. Steve, the great poet on paper and on the web.

 

Chuck Manley - Superman to the Soul
  (My written piece on Chuck)


One of my dearest friends who I can always count on to give me a good laugh, while subconsciously giving me the power to focus on what I really want out of life. I appreciate the wisdom that comes from within him, because while he is learning more about what he wants, he is showing everyone me how to do the same. I can't wait to hear about his travels in India! 9 more days and it will be the start of his new adventure.

"When things get tough in my travels I find a sense of homesickness in my heart.  It feels empty and sad and gives me a yearning for something.  A something that feels slightly out of reach.  I tell myself, “I want to go home,” but thinking of where that is only makes it worse.  I don’t know where home is, or how to get there, or if it’s even somewhere that I can go towards.

Home is where the heart is.

Home isn’t a location though.  It’s a feeling inside that can be brought about no matter where my feet land.  Whether it’s the familiar streets of where I grew up, the back alleys of San Pedro La Laguna, or in the chaos and turmoil of stepping off the bus into a foreign place.  Home is like a lover’s embrace.  It’s is a place where you can be yourself without judgement.  It gives you a sense of belonging, familiarity, and comfort.  Home is that feeling you get where you’re right where you need to be in this world."

Human Adaptation

Most mornings, when I wake up, I make a choice. Before I have had a chance to do anything, I try to think of the exact feeling I want to have by the end of that day. Will I choose to feel accomplished? What way have I chosen to define my accomplishments?  Or, do I choose to have an anxiety ridden filled day with tons of errands, and a shitty attitude? Those choices are the first and only choices I have to ponder when I open my eyes to a new dawn.

To me, a new day is a personal gift, one that I {try to} appreciate each morning. I, on most days {because we all have our off days}, pick to feel good about myself, to share with my neighbors in this world, and to pay attention to my surroundings. 

I now choose to pass up anything negative that may lay ahead of me. I do my best to look forward to certain things, and that especially goes for when I have a lot of work to do in hours time. Giving myself mini goals throughout the day helps, with little intensives of course.

But someday's are sadly, not satisfactory days, and those are the days I learn the most from. Maybe not right away, but eventually. For example- finding my way of out of routine, and being comfortable with switching it up. 

One thing I have learned is that humans, the super animals we are, we have learned to adapt. After all, we have had to adapt many times. Over the course of 4.2 Billions years, we have evolved our brains to of live in the now, and not just surviving in the now.

The human brain changes to how the body functions, to the environment in which your surrounded, and above anything else, it shapes its ridges when there the effort is being poured into improving yourself.

{{{{This clip is about Adaptability. Positive Outlook & Moving forward. }}}}

Because humans are so good at adapting, it can be hard for me to peel myself away from a routine that I enjoyed. Enjoyed meaning, no longer, but used to. It's gets hard for me when something ends, because most of the time I don't choose to do things that I won't enjoy. I try to accept that certain fulfillment that used to boast inside me, no longer does so. Its like letting go of someone you love, and remembering the good things about them. Once I take that final step in the acceptance of letting go of something, or even someone, I will find that space is open up for more enjoyable opportunities.

When I notice myself getting into a pattern, I usually take the high road and run from it. Right now, those are some aspects that I am struggling with. It's the simple things that are easy to change, like switching up the walk to and from a certain place. 

Sometimes I am not sure if its because of the commitment issues I have struggled with for most of my life. Now don't confuse commitment, with loyalty, or honesty. When I say commitment, I mean routine. 

I absolutely try to follow no routine. The problem with this is, I can fall into routine as easily as crisp colorful leaves on a windy Hallows Eve. If I really enjoy whatever "it" is, it can be hard for me to imagine my life without. This could be a routine of writing all day, spending all my time with one person, or even spending too much alone time in one day. 

 Usually, when people enjoy something, they like to incorporate it into their daily existence. Anyone that creates that euphoric element into their lives, shouldn't shoo it away if it continues to be enjoyable. When I do get some sort of routine going on in my life, it is a big deal. I try to stay away from it because once I get into routine, I become bored, and life isn't as vibrant, and I don't feel so ALIVE anymore.

But isn't that what life is about? Finding out what you like more of, and what you can do less of? What makes your heart flutter, or what puts your stomach in knots?

I struggle to maintain a brave face for the world. I know what I do want, right now, but its the unknown path ahead that lay ahead which I scarcely dread. Facing what the unknown is, IS scary. That's is why facing whatever I am scared of pushes me to understand myself more. 

What I want now, is not something I will want in 10 years. Whatever goal I have in my mind now, is something I want to say I did 10 years from now. Its that famous saying I hear a lot in my life,  "I wish I were young again" that keeps me motivated to keep doing things while I am still young. When I am older, I only hope to have had plenty experiences I will have learned from, to find out the meaning of my life, and to have become sagacious from all experiences. 

For most of my life, and this whole year especially, I have come to realize that I love my freedom. I don't have another living thing to take care of but myself. I think this stage I am in, has been a crucial learning curve. I have been thankful for all the beautiful moments it has been bringing me. 

"We think much less than what we know. We know much less than what we love. We love much less than what there is. And to this precise extent, we are much less than what we are.~R.D. Laing"

My current Struggle....?

Having all that freedom for myself? Well, that has become routine..... 

And in times like now, when I need to switch things up, but not sure how do so... that is where my gears start moving from the unknown, and I start to get into a rhythm of improvement. I have not a clue where it will go, but I know whatever it may be, if I try to stay optimistic about it, good things will happen. 

I used to wake up to noisy, obnoxious alarm clock. The one that most people like to push snooze on, over and over, like myself. I use to be that person who would have to get up, and use all of that energy I had collected overnight, on some factory job. 

 Throughout all the corporate jobs I have had over the years, I would come back to the same thought process, trying to move ahead in my own life, but not gain fulfillment in it, all because I was wiped out from the day job that I had subjected myself to. 

Waking up to that depressing thought of not having enough of time and energy to improve myself was mind altering. I didn't want to wake up to yet, another day, of no self improvement. At the time when I quit my last job, I didn't have an answer to why I did it, but I had a sick feeling about going in one more day. It was one more day I was giving up on myself. I had come to realize that an alarm clock was the worst type of way to wake up, and once I had realized that, good things started falling into place. I have learned a lot about myself from that experience and I only want to learn even more. Soon after I changed that routine, I started to wake up to my ambitions instead.

What kind of accomplishments do you have for yourself? Will you switch out of your routine, to feel a bit more alive today?